Sour times

I believe that many, if not all, forms of disputes between 2 people can be resolved if both parties are willing to sit down, look at each other straight in the face, pluck up enough courage and listen to what the other person has to say before jumping to your own conclusions.

Before I move on, I would like to point out that when I mentioned disputes, I'm not referring to the little things like your every day bickering. Seriously, if every clashing opinion required that much time & effort just to reach a fair conclusion, monkeys will rule the world even before you decide on the location for your midnight snack. My point is, don't take bickering too seriously.

As a matter of fact, I view bickering as a positive form of communication; a necessary aspect in a healthy relationship. It doesn't really matter whether it makes sense or not because it definitely is more reliable form of communication compared to body language. Sure you might make something out of those actions but there is a very high possibility that you are reading it wrongly.


You get the idea

The main topic of the day would be friendship. How significant is such a thing to you? Are friends the people you seek in times of need or are they just mere pawns in your game of life?

We all know that life is tough. Everyone has their own problems but I think that it's all about levels & it usually makes a big difference especially when relations and/or money is involved. Don't believe me? Open up a newspaper, throw a stone on it and it'd most probably land on some article regarding a scandal or a scam. I used the word probably because that stone might land on the page filled with advertisements. A non substantial analogy I know but my point is, most major problems have something to do with relations and money.

I've lost a fair share of friends. It's gone to the point where others find it strange because I've always portrayed myself as a person who values his friends. I would like to compare myself to a dormant volcano. I can take a lot of insults/abuse/criticisms but there is a limit to everything. Cross that mark and BOOM!

I am human, not like some punching dummy you find at fitness stores to vent all your stress on. I feel that people are not taking me seriously since I'm always goofing around. Even a clown would get mad if you slept with his mother. Taking things to the extreme is the only time when people start to realise that I actually mean business. It's a dirty job but someone has got to do it.

I'd leave people the choice whether they are willing to reach a compromise with me. Not possible? End of discussion, we are through. You might be Tom or Ben but I don't really give a damn (No pun intended)

I know this sounds pretty shameless coming from me but I used to place friends on the number one spot in my list of significance. I regret to inform everyone but that place has been replaced by money & I can't find a reason why it shouldn't be. At least it does a better job at keeping a smile on my face.

" Jerry, you piece of trash! How could you even speak of such a thing? "

First, screw all the people who have such thoughts as the one above. Second, I'm nothing but another victim of the harsh realities of life. No matter how hard I try to protect my naive impressions, life will never fail to crush them in a single blow. I might not like the change but it was inevitable.

I used to think that its wrong to ask for anything in return after doing someone a favour. That is one of the Buddhist ways of life. Since the entire world isn't Buddhist, not many people would understand such intentions. Since it is going to take a lot of time and to convert people to my way of thinking, I've decided that giving up is a more logical option.

By the way, I am not telling you to be a Buddhist(I have openly declared that I'm a pseudo Buddhist. I do not agree with certain aspects of their teachings. Before any of you "Buddhists" try act high and mighty to lecture me, let me ask you this, when was the last time you went to a temple to pay your respects?), I was just hoping that you'd take some time to notice my intentions.

Even a simple gesture of appreciation can make me feel that it was all worthwhile. It doesn't really matter whether its another one of your pretentious lies because as long as you put in some effort to make it sound like it wasn't, it'd put a smile on my face. I appreciate the effort.

Most of the time, I feel as if I'm beating a dead horse. The lack of appreciation really is starting to drain my self esteem.



I'm starting to lose myself. There is hardly any reason to revert back to my old self. It's not as if my "new" self is the coolest person in the world but at least he doesn't have to spend his time giving two shits about you.

However, my conscious keeps haunting me day & night. My brain might have signed the approval form but my heart would never agree to such a thing. My heart wouldn't even let me walk away with pocketing $5 from miscalculated change let alone losing a friend. My brain is the one responsible for all the malicious words coming out from my mouth. I dare say, he is quite good committing such an act behind my heart's back (It's just an expression, I did not mean it in a literal sense)

I'm not an absolute being, I admit that I do make mistakes. I do not want this entry to sound biased.

It's hard enough to ditch a friend. It's even harder to be friends again. I'm at a loss, the decision is too hard for me to make at this point. As mentioned in the first paragraph, it takes courage to sit down and listen. I don't have that right now. Time might change my answer.

Might.