I used to write notes but not anymore.

The reason is, I can't deliver the things that I wrote anymore. Times change along with people.

live like we are dying

The term "mother" is nothing more than a word to me now.

The word "mommyyyyyy" has slowly degenerated to just "me" (try pronouncing it within a split second) . This just goes to show how much we dislike calling you that.

It is not easy to deal with someone that makes no sense at all (think of a senile person). She would find the easiest way out of any situation by simple saying: "Don't be rude to your mother!" .

That is not an argument at all. She is merely using her power as a life bearer to brush off any form of disobedience. What ever happened to talking it out? Rather, was it even existent in our family? It's not that we didn't try, she just did not want to approve of such "atrocities".

Obviously people with limited amount of wit can't think of logical reasoning to convince people that they are not in the wrong. Even if she got shot down in flames, doing that might earn her some respect from me. Unfortunately, that has never happened before. Her trump card "I'm your mother" never fails to win an argument. However, every single times she flashes it, a little bit of respect just seem to slip out and sink into a void, never to surface ever again.

No different from being a tyrant, right?

The harsh fact is that none of your children like you. Did you know that? Probably not. You live in your prefect world of assumptions. I feel that it is extremely sad for a parent. However in that aspect, I thank you for being such a bad role model. At least now I have a very clear idea on how to treat my children in future. Don't get too conceited just because I thanked you because it does not change the fact that I wish you were dead.

It doesn't matter whether you are my mother, my grandmother or anyone who is part of my family. The fact that I do not like delusional egoistic fucktards who think that they are sitting on some throne expecting people to lick his/her feet clean still stays rooted in the ground.

It clearly indicates the fact that you don't bother to know your children well. You just used fallacious reasoning and slab labels on us thinking that you are always right.

Example:

Phyllis is a girl.

Girls like to shop.

Therefore Phyllis likes to go shopping.

Bzz bzzz! WRONG!

I screamed at her over the phone yesterday because she threw away $700 worth of stuff that belonged to my friend in the rubbish chute while I was still asleep. After searching for the bag for some time without any luck, I knew something was amiss. All it took was a phone call to confirm it. Cliche as it might sound, the worst case scenarios always happen.

I had to search for them in the pouring rain in hopes that they were not cleared. It was both disgusting and degrading for a resident living in a Condominium to open the rubbish chute just to search for something. If those things were not found, I might resort to violence if I have to.

The fact that she could simply throw my stuff away clearly indicates that she only care about things that belong to her.

Would you like me to throw your jewellery into the trash? I wouldn't mind standing there & laughing at you while you frantically rampage the dustbins although I know for a fact that you are too lazy and pampered to search for it yourself.

She blamed me for putting the bag on the sofa "near" the bag of old clothes.

Fine I suppose I could force myself to close one eye on that. The most ridiculous thing was, the stuff in that bag were all brand new.

LOGICALLY thinking, why would ANYONE throw away BRAND NEW stuff? Did she bother to even ask? apparently not.

She blamed ME for both randomly chucking my things & scolding my mother. If she spent 5 seconds to ask, would things have happened like this? My father has NEVER thrown away a single thing without asking, NEVER.

At that very point I was fuming mad. A heated exchange of vulgarities followed. She went overboard the moment she decided to put all the blame on me.

me: I want you to clean the things for me, they smell of pineapple.

mother: Ask the maid. Why me?

me: no, I want you to clean because you caused it to be dirty. I want you to take responsibility. If not, you just keep doing stupid stuff like this again.

mother: WHY MUST I DO IT? DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUPID THINGS!

me: APOLOGISE! GOD DAMN IT! YOU BETTER FUCKING APOLOGISE!

mother: WHY? IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU KNOW! WHO ASK YOU TO LEAVE YOUR THINGS SO NEAR THE UNWANTED STUFF.

me: YOU HAVE THE FUCKING CHEEK TO SHIFT THE BLAME ON ME?! FOR YOUR INFORMATION MY STUFF WERE PLACED ON THE SOFA. IT'S NOT AS IF THEY WERE PLACED TOGETHER!

mother: NO NO NO, YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER DON'T ANYHOW SAY!

me: YOU ARE LIKE A CHILD! CAN'T YOU FUCKING GROW UP?!

mother: AIYAH FUCK LA FUCK LA! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR STUPID NONSENSE!

At that very point, I knew that I could have just burst a blood vessel and died on that very spot. My whole body was trembling, my breathing was irregular & my ears were ringing. It was apparent that I've totally lost it. Thankfully my father stood in the way.

He told me to stay calm. Like how was that possible? That person was dissing me for something she did! It made no sense why I had to back down.

You wait till you get old & sick. I would love to see you come begging us for help. You don't have to worry about your husband for as far as I know, I would make damn sure he leads a comfortable life.

All I ever wanted was an understanding mother. I feel like I'm very unfortunate every time I meet supportive parents. Though they might not lead comfortable lives but at least they are happy.

Would you ever try to understand us? If such a day ever comes, I think it would be too late to do anything.

Wake up, you are like 55 years old.

only those deprived of a younger sister would desire for one.

The negativity overwhelms me.

It sucks to be remembered for the bad stuff.

The thing is, I have never seen Kenneth's mum before. Apparently a few years back, she gave Kenneth quite a good lashing of the tongue when she found out that her pack of apple juice was missing from the fridge. Unwilling to save his friend's arse, Kenneth revealed to her that the culprit was me.

Ever since then, I've been labeled as the apple juice theft.

I sent him home from work today since I needed to grab his DSLR anyway. In the midst of our mindless conversation, he mentioned to me something about his mother remembering me.

Jerry: Your mother knows who I am? How can? She has never seen me before.

Kenneth: Ya la. She only knows you as the person who drank her apple juice.

Jerry: .....

Stained for life.

I'm truly disgusted with myself. There is no point crying over spilled milk but this lesson really painful to the wallet.

I think I need help.

Mr Lin Qiliang has almost reached the 80kg mark. 70kg was the target but he should have been contented with being 75kg.

Damn you Macdonalds!!!